The difference between having kids and not......

Sunday night I spent 3hrs at Urgent care. Bronchitis. Great. At least I caught it early....
Monday early(predawn), the boy-child wakes up with a 104 temp. Yippee. We survive Monday(barely). Tuesday 12:30 am I wake up with a 104 temp. and in an unbelievable amount of pain. The boy child proceeds to cry continuously the rest of the night.
Tuesday was spent with the boy-child and I both crying and maintaining very high fevers. He takes us to urgent care around 6pm. Our flu test come up positive in a 1/3 of the time they told us it would take. Wonderful..

Without a child I would have ......
gotten some sleep
taken large quantities of drugs
maybe even have shot myself (the pain really is *that* bad)

Since I have children...
I sucked it up. Enough said...

WooHoos

More than one woohoo!

I got a new car! Actually, a minivan. Oh im so, so in love! Its a 2004 Toyota Sienna. Shes a beauty! The space! I can separate the bickering kids!

Ive been baking a lot from scratch(like, way too much baking.) So to combat this I made an oober healthy(and cheap!) dinner; Lentil and Quinoa tacos. The kids totally loved them! The Diva did say, "These are so great mom, but you forgot the meat." I quickly informed her that meat is not always necessary :-D
I will be tackling the art of pickling pickles soon. The Diva is rather fond of those things. Homemade bread, ketchup, and bbq sauce are also on the to-do list this weekend.
The Diva has also requested that I pack her lunch for the last month because she can no longer stand school lunches. That either says something about the quality of the school lunches(which was horrible when I was in school), or that I am an amazing cook. Yeah, I agree, its because my food is the shit ;-)

Both kids have gotten the ok to join the soccer league(there was some question as to age cutoff for the boy-child.) We have actually gotten the Diva in free for the last couple of weeks due to it being the end of the season. Can I get a 'woohoo'? :0)

Im taking my sister and the kids up to see my grandparents tomorrow.

Im almost caught up with most of my classes. Thats a big woohoo!

Random Mumblings

Bare with me....

I saw my first ever, in person, skunk! In the wild! Lets just say I did not handle it gracefully.
Back story? I agreed to go fishing with him, despite my complete distaste for it(hello, boooring) Anywhom, it gets dark [insert me whining about it being pitch black and worrying about every little sound] and I sense something next to me. I turn to my right, and not 6 feet away is a ferocious skunk baring his killer teeth at me.( Ok, he wasnt ferocious and he didnt show teeth) So I shined my puny head lamp at it and screeched(very lady like thankyouverymuch.)
He thought it was funny and continued to stare at his non-moving fishing pole for another 2hrs until he finally gave into my whining and we left. 4hrs of fishing and being viciously attacked by a rabid skunk was enough for me ;0)



Im car shopping again. I hate car shopping. This time I have 450% more money than the last, yet still cannot find what I want. UGH!


The kids are joining a soccer league. Yay! Busy kids= happy mommy 8-)

The boy-child will be starting Head Start in August. His teacher feels hes ready for it. Something along the lines of neurotypical kids having a good influence on him. That and they havent experienced any of the behavior problems listed in his IEP.

I worked Super Bowl Sunday for the people who let me go in November. It was so nice to see the kids again. However, it set me back emotionally for a few days this week. My anxiety flared up really bad on Monday and Tuesday. Just the overwhelming out of control feeling again.

My sister may be moving 4 blocks away....

I have not seen my dear 'A' in far too long. Shes the one person who really gets me and puts me at ease.

I opened a door I should not have opened, but it made me realize that the grass is not greener on the other side.

I got a new puppy a few weeks ago. He is quite the chewer! Ive never had a pup that insisted on eating(as in swallowing and digesting) our clothing instead of his nummy chew bones that I buy. He will out grow it. Right?

School School School

I officially start school today. A whole week early. Yay for math! [eyeroll]
My loans dont come until sometime next month, so I have to somehow come up with over $500 for books. Yeah, no. Maybe I can just wing it for a bit :)

The Diva is failing. Literally. Worse than usual. Im beyond frustrated. Her comprehension is nill and her care about school is even less. You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink......

The boy-child is doing ok. He had a rough week last week. He has done ok with the transition, but is still asking to go back to his old school. His teacher does not communicate the way his last teacher did; this bugs me.



Im still very, very overwhelmed. Our financial situation is bad. The only bright light is that we can file taxes on Friday. Those should carry us through February. Im still dealing with a lot of anxiety and depression. Might go see a doc. about it soon. I do not like the way I feel!
My amazing friend bailed me out this month. I dont know what I would have done without her!

I scored a 19lb ham for $18 and we have lived off of that for a week. Good thing ham goes with so many things :0) However, I think we will be done with it until Christmas!

Had car trouble again. My alternator went out on the freeway. Yup, I have the best luck when it comes to breaking down; im always in a safe location. Easy fix, but it set me back even more financially :-(

I told a few people how I feel. Surprisingly none of them freaked out. Its been taken well(at least to my face, haha.) They havent changed, but they at least know my opinion and can expect my real reaction to their drama :-)

Im working really hard on thinking positive. Im working a side job to help offset the car repair expense and looking at what I can sell. I truly believe that if I just take it day by day and look at what I DO have, then the rest will fall into place.
I only get one life, and I sure as hell dont want to struggle through it or waste it. I will get all that I want and I will be successful. Struggles build character, right? :-)

Changes

I havent written in awhile. I should have. With all thats going on I have definitely needed to have a release, but I havent known how to get it out in the right words.

A week before Thanksgiving I, very abruptly, lost half my income. I still have not really come to grips with this. I guess I should get the rational parts out before the emotional.

• I will survive.
• I have been proactive in securing most of my financial obligations..
• Things could be worse.

Now for the emotional-

• I feel like im drowning. Utterly drowning. I cannot breathe.
• For the first time in my life, I am depressed. I know this because I cannot crawl out of this sadness that is overwhelming me. I cry several times a day. I just want to curl up in bed and cry and not get up. I keep thinking positive and hoping it helps soon.
  
• I have lost part of my identity. I have always been the provider. Now I cannot even provide half the Christmas I usually do(petty, I know, but its better than focusing on the bigger picture of what I cannot provide)
• I miss those kids. To go from spending 2-3 days a week with them for 3yrs to just..nothing- its hard.

Again, Ive been proactive and I know itll all be ok, but I have never felt so bad.
So, in short, Im struggling through this really big change in my life. I will not verbalize to anyone how bad it really is(no worries!), but just know when dealing with me that I am not myself and try to forgive any bitchiness you may detect.

Umm Awkward!

So 'A' and I went for massages yesterday. I knew going into it that I would have a male masseuse, but I did not know that it would be so awkward.

1. He was old-ish. I mean, if im going to have a strange guy rubbing on me for an hour he should be hot(and not old enough to be my grandpa) damnit!
2. I was naked. Completely, utterly, naked(except for a *little* lace thong that he kept moving farther into my ass crack.)
   
3. My hand kept rubbing againt him. Believe me, I know what I was touching. Theres a big difference between a hairy thigh and that. To his credit he stayed "down." EWWW.
   
4. Lets revisit the thong. Its a thong. Its already between my ass cheeks. He kept moving it. Like, really, you dont need to rub my ass that far into the crack. You dont!
5. He rubbed all the way up to/into my bikini line. Maybe this is common? 'A' said that her chick did not rub her butt as far "in" as my guy did, and that she didnt go up/in to the bikini line. Idk, but in general, if a guy is that close its for other reasons ;-)
6. He rubbed around, on top of, between my boobs(again, 'A' did not experience this)

All in all, I did leave there relaxed(and ready for a nap!) I even drooled on the table!
'A' and I will do it again(and again), but I will specifically ask for a female masseuse next time. Theres just some awkwardness there for me when it comes to a strange guy rubbing me naked :0)

Oooh, just had an idea! They should offer cocktails before the massage. Liquor me up and I dont care whos rubbing on me! ;-)

School, School, School

The boy-child is on day 3 of school. Each day he is excited to go, but clings to me like white on rice when its time to leave him. Hes always chattering away when I pick him up though, so im sure hes having fun :-)
He also had his 3rd session with his new occupational therapist today and I dont think I like her too much. This was the first time I was able to meet her and with all 3 sessions she has complained about him not knowing his colors 100% of the time. She has decided hes color blind (insert big, dramatic eye-roll.) I will give her 2 more sessions to impress me before I decide to ask for another therapist.

I am waaaaaaaaay behind in chemistry. As in 7 lessons behind, and I have not done one single lab assignment yet. I figure that my economics class will be over with in a few weeks and then I will tackle chemistry. 6 classes is too much!

Ive agreed to watch my niece on Fridays and occasional Saturdays(for free!!). There goes my only day off :-(


I also agreed to go camping. Dont ask why. I hate camping with an intense passion. Like, id rather shoot myself than camp. Yet, somehow I got roped into saying yes.

Ive got most of my Christmas shopping done. Yay! Its all been clearance stuff. Double yay!!

I really need to sit down and get some scrap booking done. Maybe we need to come up with an 8th day of the week..?