Random and Jumbled :-)

I think about blogging far more often than I actually do.

I find, as im put in more "adult" social situations, that Ive forgotten/lost the ability to have a mature conversation. Im so wrapped up in the kids, working (with kids!), and school that im just not up-to-date on current events. Toss in the fact that I spend 90% of my days talking to kids and now ive lost the ability to use intelligent sounding word choice.
This really bothers me. I used to be intelligent. I could hold my own in a conversation and not look like a dumb-ass. People always commented on my maturity and intellect. Now? Not so much. I generally have a blank look on my face these days. Yep.

As I used the phrase . "I used to be.." with someone the other day and they stopped me and said, "Used to be? Youre only 23!" I realized that, yes, im "only" 23. However, Ive lived differently than most 23yr olds that I know. Its no surprise to anyone who knows me that im not all that different in respect to how responsible I am, my values ,or my "good girl" persona.
But I HAVE changed. I used to be confident. I knew what I wanted and how to get it. I knew how to hold my own in conversations. I knew how to have fun and let go. Did I mention that I was confident?
Before the boy-child, I drank (underage, but responsibly of course!), skinny dipped every weekend (with whoever), flirted (with loads of confidence!), hung out with peers(movies, lakes, day-trips!), laughed. You get the idea....
Now this isnt to say that becoming a biological mom changed me in a bad way. Its just a factor of what changed me.
A bigger factor of the change is in that I allowed others to influence my opinion of myself. I started to believe some of the not-so-nice things that were said about me. I started to retreat and focus on just making it through and setting a good example for the boy-child.

So for the last 5 years I have lost my youth; My confidence; My identity. My sense of self.
I just dont know how to regain those things. I try. I put myself in situations that force me to talk to other adults, muster up confidence, and have an identity outside of "mom." Im failing miserably. I see it in others faces and their responses to me. I feel it in the lack of confidence.
The whole time im in these situations I am berating myself for not doing better. Im thinking to myself, do xyz! Say xyz! Smile! Make eye contact! Speak up!
Yelling at myself doesnt boost confidence it seems.

I guess its just a Fake-it-Till-You-Make-it type of thing, because I really dont enjoy being this uptight and reserved.

My boy loves me :-)

If you know me IRL, and especially if you spend time with me frequently, you know that I struggle a lot with my boy-child. A lot.
He has sensory input and anger issues. This translates into: 90% of the time he is yelling how much he hates you, being rude, being physically aggressive, throwing a tantrum, throwing objects, etc.
As a mom this tears me apart. To watch my baby act out such unhappiness is gut wrenching. And then I struggle because I react with annoyance and impatience.

Lately, amidst all of his fits he comes up to me several times a day with big ole puckered lips, "A kiss momma. I need a kiss! Youre the best mom ever! The best mom ive ever had! Youre the best momma, the best!I love you!"
Doesn't that just melt your heart? I get to experience this love several times each day :-)

He is generally pretty forceful (again, sensory input issues). so sometimes I react to that vs. to what he is telling me.
I look at my beautiful child. This child who loves me. Who thinks im his whole world. And I see what a fuck up I am.
I should be more patient. I should be more involved in play with him. I should criticize less.
Ive gotten so wrapped up in all the other drama and stress in my life that I allow it to affect my parenting. This must stop.
Being a parent is the single most important job I will ever have. I am solely responsible for shaping his self-esteem, how he responds to others, how he treats others, and most importantly, how he treats himself.

So today I will tell you this, my beautiful boy, you are the best! A mom could never wish to be so lucky as to have a son like you! You make my heart full with joy. Thank you for being my son!

Mini-Update :)

Just a little update on how things are that were previously "reported" on.......

My grandma has now [successfully] made it through 2 pretty major heart surgeries! Shes still in the ICU, but is recovering :)
I think my mom is getting pretty caged-in feeling at this point, but she is very relieved that she is able to be there and that things are progressing as they are.
The boy-child and I *Should* be flying out there for a long weekend next month. Yay!



'E' will find out tomorrow if he will begin working for a company that he previously worked for. This would help us significantly! Its not that it makes more money, just that its predictable as far as hours/bring home pay (current job varies from day-to-day.)
Its supposedly "in the bag", and tomorrow is just a formality, but id rather wait for the "formal" acceptance before reporting that its a done deal ;0)




School is going well so far. I really like all of my instructors and the class "lay-outs." Because 2 of my classes are only one day a week, Im having trouble remembering homework. Ive now gone into class a few times and had the "Oh shit!" moment. Luckily its only happened with easy to do assignments and ive been able to get 'er done before the start of official class time.

My sister has been helping out with watching the kids in the in-between time of me leaving for school and 'E' getting in from work. Its been a huge help!
We have to juggle this week because shes working and this is a risk to future weeks as well; but for now its flowing okay.




The Diva is back to soccer. She has been asked to join a team!
4th grade is going well so far. Homework still takes hours for this simplest of things, but at least shes not whining about doing it yet.

The boy-child lost his first tooth on August 31! He is also writing his own name(I get credit for this TYVM!), identifying letters, asking how to spell, and telling us all of the new "facts" he learns in school ("mom, did you know that Earth is a planet?!?") We are working on learning to read (as time allows.)












Thats the last month in a nutshell! :)

What No One Tells You About......

Funny-Light hearted post of the day ;0)


What No One Tells You About-------

Being in a long-term relationship/marriage:

1. It takes work . Sure people tell you that it takes work, but they dont always go into details. It involves all of this compromising shit, using "nice" words, using "I" language, dealing with family thats not "yours", dealing with mood swings [that arent yours], etc. You find yourself dealing with smells, attitudes, messes, bills, messes, and smells that arent yours and that you didnt necessarily know you were signing up for.
2. Sex doesnt come as often as it did when you were first in love-lust. Sure you may hear guys talk about how the wives arent giving it up and the woman complain that the men arent romantic like they used to be, but what you may not hear (unless you know me IRL), is that there are plenty of woman complaining that theyre not getting it enough, and plenty of men complaining that their wife/woman/gf/partner is no longer the person she used to be. Its a 2 way street people. Sex isnt all roses and puppy dogs. Especially years into a relationship. Libidos change. People *coughmencough* forget how lucky they are and the kind of work they put into sex in the beginning of the relationship. B.O.B and Rosie Palm start to become your lover at some point. Its not always a mutual decision (in fact, its generally a one-sided decision ;) ) Sure you youngins' are sitting there reading this , thinking "this will never happen to me." Guess what? It happens to everyone. Go out and get thoroughly fucked as much as you can right now! Its really your last chance. Bwahahaha
3. Somewhere along the line the importance of grooming/hygiene goes to the way-side. Now, im not saying it falls off the face of the planet. Im just saying that those smells and messes apply to this area of what-you-didnt-know-that-you-wish-you-did too. Once you/he/she/it gets comfortable, so does the hair and b.0. *shrug* Being smooth? Not so important once youre "off the market." Body spray? What, Are we going out tonight? Morning breath.<--- 'Nuff said.
4. Bodily functions stop being taboo. Again, 'nuff said ;)
   

Being Pregnant-

1. You will be exhausted. Now, sure you might already know this, but what you dont know is that the exhaustion generally appears in the early stages. You know, the stage where youre not telling anyone yet, not evening remotely showing, IE- you have no damn good excuse for calling into work and avoiding people just to sleep. And lemme tell you, its an exhaustion that claims your whole being. You will fall asleep cooking, driving, peeing, puking....you get the idea.
2. If you really think about it, there is a living parasite inside your body! fAreaky! Especially freaky once it starts being visible and moving. I really think alien movies came from pregnant chicks.
3. Sex. Its kind of hard to ignore the fact that there is a baby in the big ole belly during sex. Heres why,- it moves! So then you get a wee bit grossed out (or your partner does), because then its like the baby is part of this whole sex thing. And does that make you a pervert?
4. Its uncomfortable, and sometimes downright painful. Charlie-horses will yank you from a deep slumber (that took you hours to achieve btw) heartburn will plague you nonstop, you will have feet in your ribs, hands punching your 'gina, pounds of fluid+fetus+displaced organs pushing on your sciatica thus causing immense back and leg pain, your feet will swell, you will also most likely pee your pants ;)
   
5. You have to give birth. Yes, I know you know that, but it leads us into our next section...

Giving Birth-

1. Its not glamorous. You have several strangers probing and oggling your va-jay-jay.
2. You quickly realize that this watermelon has to be squeezed out of your nice, tight, pretty va-jay-jay. Is it too late to change your mind about this whole baby-having business? Yeppers!
3. Its painful. Yes, I know: DRUGS! , but #1 you have to get to a certain point before those are available, and #2 you might want to go into this whole giving birth thing completely drug-free. So just know, it hurts worse than anything you have ever experienced. You will feel as if your insides are being torn to shreds by , well, what else? An alien! Ok, ok , ok....
4. Its messy. You *will* poop while pushing. Blood and other random fluids will pour from your sex-pot.
   
5. Your va-jay-jay will stretch wide open like a canon. It may even rip apart. Itll never, ever, ever look the same. Just sayin'......

Raising kids-

1. Its exhausting! Youll find yourself day-dreaming about your pre-kids days. You know, where you actually slept more than two hours a night? Slept in on the weekends? Only had to deal with your own puke and runny shit?
2. Its messy. Did you read the part about puke and runny shit? Its real Dude. Its real.
3. Your house will never be clean. Well unless you have a daily house cleaner, have OCD, or both. *shrug*
4. They are thankless at times. Down-right spiteful. They will argue until you dont even know what the hell it is that you were telling them to do/not do. And then who looks the fool?
5. They are expensive. Fuck, I mean clothes are not cheap! They destroy shoes! Those toys made in China by little kids making $0.10 a day? Youll spend your whole paycheck buying those lead-filled-plastic things. We wont even talk about vacations to Disney Land, Magic Mountain, SeaWorld...........
6. They will embarrass you. Yes, your little future-"johnny" will act like a little shit in public! I dont care that youre raising him "right" and you arent like those other parents. Johnny is the same as all the other little Johnny's! He will scream, tell you no, throw himself on the floor and let the whole world know how unjust of a parent you are. He will make damn sure everyone in the nearby vicinity knows what a fuck-up of a parent you are.
   
7. You will never be allowed to pee alone, in silence, alone.....
8. They will knock at the door, wake up crying, and/or walk-in during "adult time." You know that sex that you havent been getting , but are finally getting? Yeah, good try! Maybe next time sucker!

So, yep, theres the truths peeps ;)

I Love You More

Ive always told the boy-child I love him all the way to the moon and back and around the age of 2 he started with, "and to the stars momma?" So then it became "I love you all the way to the moon and the stars and back."
Well, for the past few weeks my boy-child has been on a "I love you more than.. " kick. Most days its ,"I love you more than a hotdog momma" repeated about every hour. Ive gotten a few "I love you more than ice-cream"-s. Its awesome to hear the kid tell me he loves me a dozen times a day; Especially considering how much he loves hotdogs....
Yesterday we headed over to the doughnut store to get him a chocolate long-john. As we are getting back into the car he says to me, "Momma I love you more than a hotdog, but I dont love you more than a doughnut. No I love doughnuts more than you." Niiiiiice kid. Real nice.

Back to Reality

Im no longer free from the realities of my life. Im firmly planted back in Arizona. Yes, we can all cry now :'(

First, lets reflect before I whine about life.....


WARNING:This is the part where I get sappy

I spent a lot of time simply enjoying the fact that I was around family.
That side of my family is so polar opposite of the other side of my family. They're generally happy to see you. Jokes can be made. Kids can play and squabble without adult interference. Theres no bitching and moaning about how crappy their lives are.
I just cannot put into words how much they mean to me. How much I have searched for that here in Arizona; tried to replicate it. The sense of family unity is the one thing I wish for my children. I want the big family Holiday meals, backyard BBQs, birthday parties, etc. To me, there is nothing more important than family (this includes friends who become family too!) Its just so important to surround yourself with people who love you, people who want to laugh with you, and people who are there to help/support you.

My kids had cute little "southern" accents while there. They sounded totally fake, but hey *shrug*
The boy-child caught frogs every single day. Lightening bugs, too! He swam, fished, played with babies, slid down Sliding Rock in NC, dug for worms, planted a garden, and probably more things that I just cant think of :-)

The Diva, well she definitely had the phoney accent! She enjoyed all of the same things her little brother did, but especially liked playing with the babies! She asks daily when daddy and I are going to have a baby girl *eyeroll*

I spent the last couple of days hanging with my "baby" cousin H. Gosh kids grow up so fast! Shes 15 now and just absolutely beautiful! Shy and quiet, too. I finally got her to mumble a few words back at me towards the end. Convinced her to try driving and we went shopping for new clothes :-) The "child" definitely needs to gain some confidence though! (so H, if you read this, You are BEAUTIFUL and SMART)

It was absolutely great for our souls to "escape" for awhile. We saw some beautiful sites, relaxed, enjoyed life.





Now onto LIFE-

My grandma is now schedule for some pretty serious surgery. I really wish I could be there with her. My poor mom is just a mess :-(

We are BROKE. Like seriously so. Whats new, right? This level of broke is new to us. Scary.
Im down to working 1/3 of the hours I normally would. 'E' is bringing in 20% of his normal pay. Yeah, its just craptastic right now. We will get through it, but at what cost I dont know and that worries me.

I have no freakin' clue how im going to juggle kids school, work, my school, and all that comes along with those things without my mom here to help. Childcare is our biggest issue. We have no money for a sitter and trying to coordinate with the free offers is pretty difficult. I have faith thatll we will figure something out , though. We have to damnit!

My bestie is leaving town for like a year. Boooo! WAAAAAH! Whatever will I do? Looks like ill be traveling more or going crazy ;-)

Wheres Waldo?

This week I have been visiting family on the opposite side of the country. Can I just say, its about time!, ?

I have missed them so much these last 5 years. So much changes so fast that you just feel like itll all be gone before you know it.
Luckily, my family never makes you feel out of place or like a freak stranger :-)


In just a few days I have gotten to meet and play with my cousins 'J's 2 babies (who were not even in the plans last time I was here!), briefly meet my cousin 'N's 2 new babies (making a grand total of 3), see my baby cousin 'H' turning into a beautiful young woman, go to a haunted graveyard, and go to the beautiful forest of North Carolina and watch people fling themselves down sliding rock (I did not partake.)

Every time I am here I feel such a peace. The peace you only feel when youre "home."

Family means everything to me. Everything.
________________________________
My grandma is very sick. The truth of the situation is that I will never see her again after I fly back home next week. Every time I look at her I am reminded of so many childhood memories, and of the fact that I am about to lose a very important part of my family.

I fear the affect this will have on my mom. I dont know how I am supposed to support her during this time. I especially dont know what I can possibly do to help her recover from the loss of her own mother.
Im scared of the changes it will bring to her; To our family. It will, without a doubt, change my mother. It will scar her very being; It already is. She already is facing her own aging and future mortality because of this situation.


So for now I will just savor the laughter, the peace, the memories........

Magic!

Magic, magic, magic
Magic, magic, magic
Magic, magic, magic
I got the magic in me!



I have discovered the Magic!

Magic Shaving Powder :-) Its a girls bestfriend. Seriously.
Run out now and buy some. No more jungle between the legs! No more $80 [painful] wax job! Itll be the best 10minutes of your life. Well, maybe not your life, but most certainly your week ;-) And its so freaking cheap! (less than $2) I am as smooth as a baby's butt :-D

[Do you think I use enough exclamation marks?]


On to other magical news......

My momma has been gone for 3 weeks. She left me to fend for myself [read:take care of the kids by myself 24/7] to go care for my grandma. Grams is not doing well and I can only hope she gets magically better.


Ive lost 3lbs this week, for a not-so-grand total of 7lbs for the month of May.

The Diva was tested for learning disabilities and barely qualified for services. This is magical because we wanted her to fail (or pass -however you look at it.) She can use all the extra help she can get :-) (yes, start nominating us for the Worst Parents Award now!)

The boy-child finally started wiping his own butt. Its a freaking miracle , really.



Im hoping to have some BIG news in a few short months. Keep your eyes open 8-)

Men are dogs/pigs/"donkeys"....

Right.

I know plenty of bitter women out there who regularly spew what horrible creatures men are. My sister is one of them. I always remind her that she has a nephew ;-)

So on to the point of this pointless post...

This week I have really wanted to kick some men in a not so nice area.
Ive dealt with many men. Young, old, really old. You get the idea. I do not generally label them as "animals."

I have found them to all be basic in their general thoughts and actions. They usually center around sex, sports, and food. Oh, and sex.
I can appreciate this in men. I get the love of casual sex, a good game, and awesome food. I partake in all of it!

I do not get crudeness and rudeness.
Dont ask me to be [essentially] your personal raunchy porn star. Im up for most things and very giving, why push it?
Dont expect me to be cool with being blown off. If you want something purely for your convenience hire a personal assistant/house cleaner/prostitute... whatever. If you cant show some basic respect and appreciation, fuck off!
Umm, what happened to opening doors for women? Or even just holding it open once you pass through and see someone coming up behind you?
Married men: Please remember to compliment your wife. Romance her a little. Something. Doing the job I do, I am around many married women. They all complain about their husbands lack of attention. Ask yourself, would she have married you if you were the person you are today?

Ok. The end...

Who Am I?

I hear often [on Oprah] that women dont really discover themselves until their late 30's/40's. Its always "I didnt know who I was." or some other variation of the same sentiment.
I can recognize this in myself. I know who and what I want to be. I know the steps to get there. I do not, however, know who I currently am.
I am ..........................blah. This is not to say that I am a much different person than I appear to be, but that .............im not functioning at full potential :0) I have shut myself down so much in order to cope. Survive. Deal.

I want to continually discover who I am. Not just find myself at 40.
I believe in living without regret. I think the only regret I can foresee is not letting myself live a bit.

So, im now -
Gym-going.(Not to be confused with outgoing, haha)
Calorie-restricting (sob!)
Homework-doing(booooring)
NSA-ing
Laughing

Time

What time is it?
I dont have the time for ____
Time sure does fly!
Now is not the time!
Its time for a change!
Where has the time gone?
Remember the time__?


The word time is in our vocabulary so much (mine especially!)

I often wonder why our lives revolve around time. I like to speculate that its because once-upon-a-time there was someone as schedule obsessed as myself. [However, I do blame my need for schedule on the fact that I grew up without one and my mother always ran late]
This week, I really have no time. Well, im sure if I made extra effort I could squeeze an extra hour into the day...
Im just so busy. I had several opportunities present themselves this week that I just had to turn down. I also missed a very important Dr. appointment because I didnt manage time well.
I have yet to take advantage of 2 separate gym trials...really, like I have the time to be fat?
There are times that I think time is confused with effort. Such as my gym saga...

As for the other type of "time"...
My birthday is quickly approaching. I know im still young, but I do feel that my life is just slipping away. Im not where I want to be. I dont want to just be starting life at 30, damnit! I want to enjoy my 20's (which, to date, I have not) and be successful. I fully intend to be done raising kids in my 40's, thus allowing me to enjoy the success I achieved in my 20's (see how this all ties together?)
I desperately want another baby, too(well, 2-3 more actually.) Its been nagging at me for months now. Ahh, but the timing....

The result of procrastination...

I dropped my math class. Im a flipping genius I tell you!
Crunch time arrived, I did not. I figured why pay $15 an hr to have someone proctor a 3hr exam that I was most likely going to fail.
Im a visual person. Online math just wasnt my thing. Im retaking it in person next semester :-)

Speaking of next semester. Im taking night classes;5-10pm three nights a week... In a "shady" part of town. Ive always done early morning classes, so this will be interesting. The downside is that I will only be home one night a week :-(


Another bit of procrastination....
My weight. I was supposed to be down 30lbs at this point. I think ive gained a few....


......Going to the doctor. I have not been to one since my 4week check-up after having the Boy-child. I cant remember the last time I want to just a general Dr. Urgent care is just much more convenient these days (and only when im near "death") BUT...im finally going to a Dr. on Thursday. Ive got some things that just cannot be ignored anymore.....

.....SLEEP! Im looking at 4hrs a night. Why? Because I force myself to stay awake to enjoy the quietness. Im sure I would enjoy sleep just as much, but each night I push past the urge for at least an hr, if not 3!

So let me be a lesson...

Dont procrastinate! Youll just end up undereducated, fat, and sleep deprived ;-)

The difference between having kids and not......

Sunday night I spent 3hrs at Urgent care. Bronchitis. Great. At least I caught it early....
Monday early(predawn), the boy-child wakes up with a 104 temp. Yippee. We survive Monday(barely). Tuesday 12:30 am I wake up with a 104 temp. and in an unbelievable amount of pain. The boy child proceeds to cry continuously the rest of the night.
Tuesday was spent with the boy-child and I both crying and maintaining very high fevers. He takes us to urgent care around 6pm. Our flu test come up positive in a 1/3 of the time they told us it would take. Wonderful..

Without a child I would have ......
gotten some sleep
taken large quantities of drugs
maybe even have shot myself (the pain really is *that* bad)

Since I have children...
I sucked it up. Enough said...

WooHoos

More than one woohoo!

I got a new car! Actually, a minivan. Oh im so, so in love! Its a 2004 Toyota Sienna. Shes a beauty! The space! I can separate the bickering kids!

Ive been baking a lot from scratch(like, way too much baking.) So to combat this I made an oober healthy(and cheap!) dinner; Lentil and Quinoa tacos. The kids totally loved them! The Diva did say, "These are so great mom, but you forgot the meat." I quickly informed her that meat is not always necessary :-D
I will be tackling the art of pickling pickles soon. The Diva is rather fond of those things. Homemade bread, ketchup, and bbq sauce are also on the to-do list this weekend.
The Diva has also requested that I pack her lunch for the last month because she can no longer stand school lunches. That either says something about the quality of the school lunches(which was horrible when I was in school), or that I am an amazing cook. Yeah, I agree, its because my food is the shit ;-)

Both kids have gotten the ok to join the soccer league(there was some question as to age cutoff for the boy-child.) We have actually gotten the Diva in free for the last couple of weeks due to it being the end of the season. Can I get a 'woohoo'? :0)

Im taking my sister and the kids up to see my grandparents tomorrow.

Im almost caught up with most of my classes. Thats a big woohoo!

Random Mumblings

Bare with me....

I saw my first ever, in person, skunk! In the wild! Lets just say I did not handle it gracefully.
Back story? I agreed to go fishing with him, despite my complete distaste for it(hello, boooring) Anywhom, it gets dark [insert me whining about it being pitch black and worrying about every little sound] and I sense something next to me. I turn to my right, and not 6 feet away is a ferocious skunk baring his killer teeth at me.( Ok, he wasnt ferocious and he didnt show teeth) So I shined my puny head lamp at it and screeched(very lady like thankyouverymuch.)
He thought it was funny and continued to stare at his non-moving fishing pole for another 2hrs until he finally gave into my whining and we left. 4hrs of fishing and being viciously attacked by a rabid skunk was enough for me ;0)



Im car shopping again. I hate car shopping. This time I have 450% more money than the last, yet still cannot find what I want. UGH!


The kids are joining a soccer league. Yay! Busy kids= happy mommy 8-)

The boy-child will be starting Head Start in August. His teacher feels hes ready for it. Something along the lines of neurotypical kids having a good influence on him. That and they havent experienced any of the behavior problems listed in his IEP.

I worked Super Bowl Sunday for the people who let me go in November. It was so nice to see the kids again. However, it set me back emotionally for a few days this week. My anxiety flared up really bad on Monday and Tuesday. Just the overwhelming out of control feeling again.

My sister may be moving 4 blocks away....

I have not seen my dear 'A' in far too long. Shes the one person who really gets me and puts me at ease.

I opened a door I should not have opened, but it made me realize that the grass is not greener on the other side.

I got a new puppy a few weeks ago. He is quite the chewer! Ive never had a pup that insisted on eating(as in swallowing and digesting) our clothing instead of his nummy chew bones that I buy. He will out grow it. Right?

School School School

I officially start school today. A whole week early. Yay for math! [eyeroll]
My loans dont come until sometime next month, so I have to somehow come up with over $500 for books. Yeah, no. Maybe I can just wing it for a bit :)

The Diva is failing. Literally. Worse than usual. Im beyond frustrated. Her comprehension is nill and her care about school is even less. You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink......

The boy-child is doing ok. He had a rough week last week. He has done ok with the transition, but is still asking to go back to his old school. His teacher does not communicate the way his last teacher did; this bugs me.



Im still very, very overwhelmed. Our financial situation is bad. The only bright light is that we can file taxes on Friday. Those should carry us through February. Im still dealing with a lot of anxiety and depression. Might go see a doc. about it soon. I do not like the way I feel!
My amazing friend bailed me out this month. I dont know what I would have done without her!

I scored a 19lb ham for $18 and we have lived off of that for a week. Good thing ham goes with so many things :0) However, I think we will be done with it until Christmas!

Had car trouble again. My alternator went out on the freeway. Yup, I have the best luck when it comes to breaking down; im always in a safe location. Easy fix, but it set me back even more financially :-(

I told a few people how I feel. Surprisingly none of them freaked out. Its been taken well(at least to my face, haha.) They havent changed, but they at least know my opinion and can expect my real reaction to their drama :-)

Im working really hard on thinking positive. Im working a side job to help offset the car repair expense and looking at what I can sell. I truly believe that if I just take it day by day and look at what I DO have, then the rest will fall into place.
I only get one life, and I sure as hell dont want to struggle through it or waste it. I will get all that I want and I will be successful. Struggles build character, right? :-)